Wanzology

  So in, uh, 2015, I took it upon myself to write a book and this was like a chance meeting with, uh, a woman whose daughter had won a little contest that I put on and we met for lunch and turns out she was an author… unpublished, but, you know, our own little author thing. And she had this club that or not club, but it was a small business that she was in.

Yeah. And I told her about my idea about a book and she seemed very, very, very, very receptive to it. So, with her as my guide, I developed a small book made up of tweets that I had made while I was touring. And the tweets were like little things that the kids outside that I was talking to would remind me of.

You know, and I'd ask them questions and we'd have these deep philosophical, socio economic, psychological discussions. And I came away with a new sense of, um, I don't know what to call it. I was just kind of amazed that there were so many similarities between a 51-year-old guy and their teenage bein’ people, teenagers.

Um, I have, I have something emotionally similar to a teenager. Now, most of you who know me are saying, uh, duh. Well, you know, it was a discovery for me and be nice. This was a while ago. So I got the book published and I put it out on Amazon and, you know, I was expecting it to make the best sellers list in anywhere, anywhere.

Some of my friends bought one and, you know, I gave some away for Christmas presents and that was about it. So, you know, every once in a while I go back to the book because I still use these, some of these quotes that were tweets that are now in part of the book. Um, here, this is the first one. Remember, you are more than you tell yourself you're not.

You see comparison. It’s one of the games we all play with ourselves as musicians. I would often compare myself to other players. Sometimes I was better than them. Most times I felt worse than them because they were more fluid or had a bigger singing range, were faster on the fret or keyboard. Some of these comparisons challenged me to practice and get better.

Most of these comparisons simply accented the difference between me and other players. On almost every level, all of us do exactly the same thing. We compare ourselves to others in almost every way. Nose, eyes, hair, no hair, body type, money made, drink we're drinking. The list is almost endless. How maddening it is to realize that you are never going to be quote unquote ‘like’ anyone else you’ll never be that skinny or that ripped. You'll never have as much money as quote unquote ‘them’ or a car like quote unquote ‘theirs’ and a house or kids. The list goes on and on and on. Why do we do this to ourselves?

We seem to revel in setting ourselves up for the disappointment, we are no one other than who we already are. Let me say that again. We seem to revel in setting ourselves up for the disappointment, that we are no one other than who we are.

I did it because I didn't like myself. I didn't like myself very much. I wasn't satisfied with being me. So I tried to emulate and imitate others. I tried to talk like them, dress like them, play and sing like them in order to be more like them. When I couldn't do it, I got disappointed. I got down on myself, persecuted myself, told myself, I'd never be truly happy because I couldn't be like them.

When you can't sing like Michael Jackson or Lou Rawls or Frank Sinatra. When you can't play bass like Marcus Miller or Doug Pinnick. When you don't look like Brad Pitt or Tyrese Gibson, what do you do? Well, if you're me, you invent ways to self-destruct. Not in the sense of blowing up a bomb while holding it, but much more deliberate.

Drinking too much, too often. Taking too many drugs. Staying out way too late. Eating a lot of really crappy food. These are ways we tend to act out on our feelings about not being ‘them’. We slowly, deliberately chip away at our self-worth. Excusing it all the while as a mood, or a phase. Telling others, “…doesn't really matter”, or “I don't really care how I look.”

Lies! All lies. We tell ourselves to deflect the reality that we are stuck with ourselves, and we don't like it very much. When was the last time you told yourself, hey, I'm okay? Provided you have working extremities in all five senses, and especially if you don't. When was the last time you were actually okay with you, unconditionally? What might happen if you told yourself, “I may not be the best, but I'm good enough for me.”? Now, insert a variety of words where “good” goes in that last sentence, such as, “but I'm cute enough, for me”, or, “I'm slim enough, for me.”, or “I'm healthy enough, for me”. What would happen if you took the time to know for yourself what enough meant? Now, ask yourself what could happen. I guess you could tell yourself anything, but if you don't believe it, it really doesn't matter. But what if, what if you actually believed what you were telling yourself? What if what you were telling yourself was the truth about who and what you are? I mean, not everyone can be a pro sports figure or Rhodes scholar, but we can be exactly who we are meant to be, which is, ourselves. It takes courage to admit to yourself the things you're not good at and probably never will be.

To realize you're not as good looking as the actors, models, popular performing artists we think are a big thing. The media would have you believe that if you ate like them, worked out like them, wore what they wore, or sounded like them, you'd be happy, rich, successful. The reality is you can't be them. And even if you could, why would you be? Are you not unique enough? If you're not sure and you're uncomfortable with the thought of being unique, put on a shirt that's too small. Wear it out in the world for 5 or 10 minutes. Your mind will have you believing very quickly that everyone, and I do mean everyone, is looking at you. They all ‘know’. No, the reality. Is that a few may notice, but no one will care. Not as much as you. As much as you tell yourself they are thinking about you. They're not.

The most dangerous place on this earth is the four inches between our ears. That is where we interpret the information we gather with our senses. All five of them. If you have all five. If you decide what is ‘enough’ for you, then tell yourself what's good about those things. You'll not only feel better about yourself. You’ll be happier. You'll be happier that you're not like them. You are more than you tell yourself. You are the only one who walks this earth as yourself. Be proud of that uniqueness. Build yourself on the foundation of strength that is being the only ‘you’ there is. Practice being better at being that person. Practice being better at being that person and have fun doing it. Do nice things that you like for yourself, and you'll be rewarded with a thick skin that is impervious to ridicule. Plus, you’ll have a more satisfying existence because you won't be reaching for the unobtainable. You will find yourself within yourself. Let me read that again. You will find your-self, two words, within yourself, one word. And hopefully tell anyone and everyone “I'm okay".

So that's just one chapter. Just one. I think I'm going to start reading a chapter a week. this is from my book, hashtag the book of Wanz, all one word. You can find it on Amazon, and I'll see if I can't put a link in the description so you can grab it. Much more is, is coming. If you like what you heard, then, uh, maybe go to my website, sign up for the newsletter, The Wanz dot com get notified and subscribe. Yeah, baby. All right. I'm going to take off. I really thank you for hanging out with me today. And you know, I say it at the end of every show, “do something good for yourself…then go do it for somebody else.” My mom would tell me that. She'd also say, “if you could do something nice for someone, why wouldn't you?”

And people wonder where I get this from. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. It's just a thing. All right, y'all take good care of yourselves. I'll catch you later.